My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
