were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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