uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
