At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
