JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
