I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
