I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
