Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That was an excessively violent trivia night
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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