Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
