covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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