She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
