dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
