theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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