I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
