I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
