If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
