I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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