Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
