Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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