The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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