Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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