What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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