I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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