It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
