I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
