you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
