Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
