the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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