you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
