WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
