she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
