All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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