I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
