I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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