I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
