College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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