I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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