She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
should my penis look like a turkey
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
