My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
