Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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