Having a random hookup so left but love u
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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