I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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