I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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