Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
