Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
