Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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