Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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