im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
