I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize