Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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