Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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