He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Green mimosas i think yes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
