Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize