No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
