just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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