I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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