dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
