Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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