i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
