I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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