no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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