I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
