Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
