Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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