theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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