It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Still dying that you shit outside
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
