Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is Oprah even human
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
