he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
