maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
