Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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