i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
