I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
