i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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