Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
