I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
