everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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