i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Two words: nipple clamps
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