i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
nutella sex= disaster
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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