She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
