hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
