I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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