dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
