I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
