he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
