you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
