I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My ass is underappreciated
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
