You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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