Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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