Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
