my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
